Magical Squirrels, Blue Man Boogers, And A Get Out of Jail Free Card

"But we couldn't even yell 'poo dollar' at her because we were rolling on the ground laughing too hard." -Mike Nucci

"Chicken Day's coming up." -Mike Nucci
"And what's chicken day consist of?" -TJ Prayner
"What do you think? We buy a chicken, get him drunk, throw a cape on him, and let him walk around in the city." -Mike Nucci

"We were gonna put the pig's head in her passenger seat, but nobody wanted to get caught." -TJ Prayner

"Earlier today I told Sands that balloons floated because there were little magic squirrels inside them with wings. It doesn't take much." -Lucas Schroeder

"I bet that guy wakes up sometimes thinking a leprechaun shat on the end of his tongue." -Louie Vogt

"Life's a bitch. Alleviate the distance." -Phil DeStephano

"I'm going to run and clean my biohazard suit now so I can enter into the atmosphere without disrupting the flow of the universe." -Stacey Havel

"Little kids always like to play doctor, and I think there's some sexual feelings involved. It's not so much a 'here, I want to make you feel better' type of game. There's a 'you touched me there and it feels funny' type thing going on." -Savanna Kimmerling

"Any game you can drink during I'm pretty good at: bowling, cornhole, darts. Life." -Dan Riordan

"The floors in there are uneven, and this guy - he weighs probably more than 300 pounds - he starts jumping on the floor in certain areas. I say, 'guys, what the hell you thinking? You're not fixing anything.'" -Georgio Logorio

"Dude, I had so much blue snot coming out of my nose yesterday." -David Samo
"That's because you left the air conditioner on." -Jim Shearer

"This guy was insane. He was so funny. He kept telling me, 'man, if I was rich I'd buy a lion, and I'd grab that thing by the ears, look it in the eye, and I'd say 'look at me you motherfucker, eat your food.''"- Joe Collins

"I think I was dancing on a table playing air guitar uncontrollably. It was pretty ugly, believe me." -Jim Shearer

"In New Orleans, if you get caught peeing in public you have two options: You can go to jail, which a Nola jail is the absolute last place you want to be, or you can mop your mess up with your shirt and put it back on- something I'm completely fine with." -Thom Britton

"Come on. It'll be fun. I can tell all my friends I'm a gay, Christian writer, and you can tell yours you're a sword-swallowing, fire-eating circus freak." -Thom Britton

"You can still run around naked if you want. We're not gonna stop you." -Robin Watson

"If the Swamp Angels are anything like their poster suggests it's going to be one freakishly awesome night." -Dave Grossnickle