Marshmallows, Maggots, And The Occasional Marine Obstacle Course

"I fell asleep on the sidewalk. I think it's time for me to go to bed." -Karen Frick

"This one's for you, ladies. Get off your damn phones and listen." -JW Puckett

"I'm not here two minutes and you're already bombarding me with mouth vaginas." -Michelle Breger

"If you ever want to trap a raccoon, marshmallows are the way to go." -Tim Harris

"I'd like to put my face under it and pretend it's a horse." -Corey Gibbons

"Clearly you missed it last week. I had a whole egg all over my boob." -random waitress

"How is it that all restaurants close at nine every night, but the people around here are so fat?" -Vince Terrazino

"Oh god. I thought you were bringing me more maggot-covered raccoons." -Michelle Breger

"I'm going to try and pee in a bag. I can't stop shaking." -random text

"If the devil had a beach house, he'd name it Gino's." -random

"Well, I didn't come to New York not to drink. Where's Cole's shoe?" -Patrick Riordan

"I've never met her. I've never met anyone that's been a hundred percent. That's why I've hired myself a maid." -Patrick Riordan

"You can find out a lot about a man by how careful he is with his pancake condiments." -Dan Riordan

"In a couple hours we'll be kicking back, drinking Arnie Palmers; watching polite, bare-breasted women deal cards." -Spence Warren

"You know what the best thing about cooking is? Making the waitresses cry." -John Landis

"One more bobble-head and these things are going to pants me." -Tyler Owens

"You're going to need to start with Marine or Army obstacle training if you want to go through with this. You're going to need to start stealing cars and jumping fences for practice." -Linda Kirkendall

"They're really cute unless you own a horse farm. Then you have to shoot them." -random

"He was a hard guy not to yell back at. He kept reappearing, popping his head out of some random, different window of his building and screaming at us that we were unprofessional. Who does that?" -Tim Young