"I would say I've been farting fire, but fire doesn't have bits of solid now does it?" -Brian Cole
First line is a poop quip. Unbelievable.
"I'd be pretty pathetic without a prosthetic." -Jason Kotynski
"We found ourselves in a nest of motorcycle-clad lesbians, and all I could think of was, 'these people are going to be our neighbors. How much fun is this?'" -Randy Kirkendall
"You know the area where people get shot and killed every day? That's where I work." -Aleksandra Spevacek
"Thank God I'm not a woman. I'd always be pregnant." -a puppet controlled by a male actor dressed like a woman
"Bad things always happen when you shave your toes." -Lauren Kirkendall
"I need to become friends with more tent people." -Scott Woods
"Your mom in that Halloween picture looks like a kid off the streets." -Liz Owens
"I got bailed out when I found two Mormons hanging out inside the laundrymat down the street." -Annie Stuart
"It's like she was making her own fly-paper counter surface." -Jim Shearer
"That's what we do. We get back in the city, we open our suitcases, raise them above our heads, and shake the contents all over our room. Makes it feel like home again." -Tom Coburn
"I was looking at her trying to figure out what was wrong with her, and she's still, after all this time, completely naked in front of me." -Rachel Andrade
"Saw the Blade last night. Told him she had the fakie boobies. He was pumped. He seriously looked like a kid in a candy store." -Dan Riordan
"That's great. Let me row-sham-boe you in the clam." -TJ Prayner
"The worst I heard was some chick got raped with a curling iron." -Brian Cole
"That's burnt bacon and burnt hair all at once." -Jim Shearer
"Somebody shaved the Incredible Hulk's pubes and put them on that pizza." -Brian Cole
"I'm set. This summer I'm getting drunk at the Downtown and walking to my grandparents' house." -Tyler Owens
"Not many people can say they drunk-drove an elephant. You're a good man." -Jen Wright
"He's a hairy guy to say the least. And so when I wake up he has all these melted Milk Duds stuck in his chest and back." -Karol Clemens
"Some day he's gonna burp, and some day you're gonna see an Adidas coming out of his mouth because my foot will be that far up there." -Perry Waggoner
"I have dad's eyebrows in my food." -Kallie Kirkendall
"Unless he cut off her head, because that's what a lot of guys like that do." -Phyllis Kirkendall
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