Reverse Chin Capes

"It was a long night of strong drinks, hilarious sharting, and crazy golf cart rides." -Kallie Kirkendall

"I put my dog on steroids this week." -random New Yorker
"You devil." -another random NYCer
"It's only for his coat." -random New Yorker

"Dimitry and Mexican Hat Guy - that's all they knew what to call these guys." -Stacey Havel

"So this kid stole his dad's business, and here's what he would do: He would buy towels and stuff from India and then sell them to, like, a Marriott. The deal was, he would say, 'I know you can get these cheaper somewhere else, but buy them from me and I'll buy you a car.' He actually paid for this kid's surgery once." -Kip Havel

"You want a song about life? That's what they're all about." -Random dive bar guitar player

"Just think of how many more people would have believed in him if Jesus would have worn a cape." -Dan Riordan

"That place has everything. I'm sure if you asked for a unicorn urine reduction sauce that they would have no problem giving it to you." -Mark Touissant

"So I wake up, and my sleep paralysis won't let me move. What's even worse is that when I finally can get out of bed, I have this hallucination where I know there is a zombie on the other side of my door that will kill me when I open it." -James Modder

"I usually close off the bedroom during the day so he doesn't puke on my pillows." -Jim Shearer

"I mean, how can you not party with a fifteen foot blow-up gorilla?" -Mike Getty

"She smelled like a used donkey, but, man, she had some amazing cans on her." -random Cubs bleacher bum

"I saw penguins. I saw seals. I saw seals eating penguins. There were whales from about here to that windshield wiper. You just don't get that anywhere else." -random

"Oh my god, I'm leaking all over the place. I need my child to get here now." -Michelle Breger

"She was telling me how she ran through Siberia and how she got chased by wolves and gypsies. This woman is amazing." -Melissa Rone

"Who would believe it? I'm throwing cups of gasoline on this Christmas tree and it still won't burn." -random