"We're here. We're queer. We need to finish our beer." -random derby fan
"That looks like a Transformer coming out of a steaming pile of dog shit." -Randy Kirkendall
"You guys didn't really ride that golf cart over here sitting on fake clumps of grass did you?" -random
"Just pretend you never saw this." -me
"As long as there's not a hot dog still in the cup holder your secret's safe with me." -random 2
"It's been a rough week. I hit a deer a couple days ago, and I just found out I threw away a coworker's hat that turned out to be a family heirloom. " -Justin Ross
"I can't get in a boat like that, man. I'd need to be a walrus. I'd need to use my tusks." -Luke Knisley
"Ask how you can donate $1 to Easter seals." -sign on bar bathroom door
"Lesbians became even more worthless to me last night. And I didn't think that was possible." -Dan Riordan
"I used to live with these Greek kids, and they would fight like crazy over who got to have the eyeballs." -Jules Tomko
"This truck driver came up to us later laughing and said, 'I'm not so interested in how she got stuck, but how did you end up getting your daughter out of the elevator?'" -Denise Shoop
"Guy hasn't talked to me since I was the best man at his wedding. Cocksucker." -David Brand
"You never know. George Bush could have his little manipulating fingers up some Keebler Elf's butthole." -Randy Kirkendall
"Stick your nose right here and tell me I don't smell like a man." -Patrick Riordan
*A boast? Pick-up line? Dog ventriloquist?
"I'm having this drunken conversation with a regular, and he asks, 'what's been your most stable thing in life? Family? Friends? Religion?' And I'm like, 'no, Simpsons.'" - Jason, bartender of one amazing beer haven
"She needs to take her personality and inject it into that hot girl's ass." -Brian Cole
"That was my brother's first day working here and he got tear-gassed five times." -Random Visitors Center employee
"You know that guy with the mohawk on the rickshaw? We rode around with him last night and my friend fell off and cracked her head open on the street. Her bathroom looked like a crime scene." -Random waitress
*She then asked if we needed ketchup.
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