A Little Bit Of Blasphemy Repeating

"They ended up wearing these garbage bags over themselves and slaughtering the hell out of this thing because it wouldn't fit in the oven." -Jennifer Shoop

"Did he really just fart fire to kill Jesus?" -Liz Owens

"If I ever had to come back as something I'd want to come back as a fat, carniverous frog." -TJ Prayner

"She's so skinny it's gross. It's like there's nothing there. You can see what she's thinking." -Eric Drury

"I wanted to let you know that the wiggling stub is going in to have the testicle removed from her neck." -Randy Kirkendall
Like always, taken out of context and normal in its complete conversation.

"The only thing Elvis ever did to boost his career was die." -Random

"There's two places I don't want to go today: Iraq and prison." -Brian Fairley

"Oh, it was wonderful. We shared a bathroom with these people for two days and ended up sleeping on their couch." -Random

"I love you so much that I sleep on your fold-out couch." -Rachel Davis
*Back-to-back couch quotes make me want to party. Makes us all want to party.

"I mean acorns are fine, but when you start shitting on my appliances I have to draw a line somewhere." -Lucas Schroeder

"Don't leave that there. The whole house will smell like rotten pussy." -Linda Kirkendall

"Just wait till I get on one. I'll bite someone's ear off." -Lauren Kirkendall

"Was my ear on fire for a minute? Because it kinda felt like it was." -Randy Kirkendall
*Back-to-back ear quotes too. Creepy.

"There are these dog cougars things running around that I think have some raccoon in them too. I think these people are growing mutant animals at this place." -Vinnie Terrazino

"We've been suffering through mediocrity or worse since before we had hair on our nugget pouches." -Joe Collins

"The experience has taught us that the better the dinner and the better the cocktails, the better the chance for oral sex that evening. We don't make up the rules, honey. We just play by 'em." -.....Random