"I suspect you'll need some extra lube if having your way with a robot." -Clay Kreicker
"I had that thing imported from Puerto Rico, so I'm sorry if it smells like a dingy airport ham and cheese." -Brian Cole
"Oh man. I thought she was fucking a horse there for a second." -Randy Kirkendall
"I had a headache for about five minutes this morning. I brushed my teeth, threw up in the sink, and now I'm good." -Jim Shearer
"Somehow a picture of me with two midget strippers on my lap turned into my mom's birthday card." -John Landis
"That girl's face is like a parking lot for dicks." -email from random Denver waitress
"I call handicap spot." -John Landis
"They asked Rocky what sex was like at his age, and he said it's similar to shooting pool with a rope." -Randy Kirkendall
"Some places kick me out right away, but this place let me clean it up and stay, which I appreciate." -Lucas Schroeder
"Guys, I have twelve fresh stitches on my forehead, Joe has a buffalo on his head, and Lou is drinking Beam out of an ice cooler. We're doing quite well for ourselves." -Lucas Schroeder
"Rocky's in fine form. I just found him lying on the floor of his hotel room telling everyone he wants cotton candy." -Dan Riordan
"His hair goes all the way up. I bet it looks like a wookie dick." -Lucas Schroeder
"So there were some damages to your room that we're going to have to charge you for." -Random hotel attendant
"Huh? Damages?" -Random guy checking out
"There was blood on the linens, blood in the bathroom, and blood on the carpet." -Random hotel attendant
"Blood?" -Random guy checking out
"Aren't you with the bachelor party?" -Random hotel attendant
"Actually, funny thing is: That was us, and this guy right here had nothing to do with it." -Lucas Schroeder
"I don't know which pack of cigarettes I peed on. We might need to stop somewhere so I can pick up more to be safe." -Jim Shearer
"He let out a stinker this morning and the dog vomited." -Linda Kirkendall
"So if you're popping or eating popcorn remember to wear a respirator." -Kylie Haskins
"Like I always say, 'feed them enough drinks and you can make them eat dog shit.'" -Randy Kirkendall
"Honey, you really should have shaved your toes for this occasion." -Linda Kirkendall
"Someone came up to me and asked, 'Who's the random tall guy with the sport coat and aqua socks?' " -Kallie Kirkendall
"I'm not gonna be happy until I see two fists in the turkey." -JR Huntington
"If girls ever silly-stringed my car I'd send them yeast infections in the mail." -David Samo
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment